fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
