That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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