She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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