Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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