i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
