My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
