after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
