My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I don't think brook has ever known best
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize