Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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