if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
