So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
