The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
