how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize