Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
