dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
