i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
