i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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