So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
