Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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