Sacagawea was the original milf.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
