Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
