I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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