So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
