Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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