im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
