"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We have started to decorate penises.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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