I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
okay pat passed out under dana's car
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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