just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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