if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
