I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
