I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
