i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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