Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
