Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
