4 words: hood of his car
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
