God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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