I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
