I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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