Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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