Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The best revenge is premature balding
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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