Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
