I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
