You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
