Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
