I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Alive.
So much puke
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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