i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize