no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
