This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
