i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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