What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
