I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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