just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
