she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
