I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Randomize
