she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Rumble strips road head = magical
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
