fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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