So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I need water and some morals
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
