It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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