dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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