i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
we should paint friendship bongs
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