no, he came in my armpit
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
