DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize