No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
