we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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