i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
