This girl is more easily done than said...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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