Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
