ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
